tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post6409333673365239799..comments2022-12-26T04:28:36.544-05:00Comments on Jodie Andrefski: Pitch On workshop - DestinyJodie Andrefskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02991534398238542843noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-32011876502666458272016-03-23T22:03:46.454-04:002016-03-23T22:03:46.454-04:00My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love S...My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this <br />man called DR. EZIKE Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 5 years and i <br />tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age <br />at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up <br />one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to <br />me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all <br />did not work out..i was lonely for almost 5 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and <br />he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so <br />many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and <br />that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but <br />i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came <br />to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this <br />will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he <br />helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely <br />kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with <br />similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever <br />experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way <br />out..you can reach him here:drezikespellcasterhome@outlook.com... CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED DR. EZIKE ... <br />HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS drezikespellcasterhome@outlook.com... CONTACT HIM NOW on whatsapp unmber ;+2348167554235AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU<br />BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM.<br />GOOD LUCKY. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00400709127970188869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-52062911666462145072012-10-14T11:59:12.230-04:002012-10-14T11:59:12.230-04:00I enjoyed it and didn't feel confused at all. ...I enjoyed it and didn't feel confused at all. I can feel the afterlife thoughts and ideas. I think she might have died? Great job and look forward to more. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10662330531296268959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-11995644181347022232012-10-13T18:41:32.979-04:002012-10-13T18:41:32.979-04:00HELP - radical surgery made to my pitch based on a...HELP - radical surgery made to my pitch based on all of your wonderful feedback. Any feedback graciously embraced. Ambiguity was my biggest challenge. <br /><br />“Beware my Kin ~ He walks again” isn’t the normal epitaph you find on a gravestone, but it’s as normal as the surrounds 16 year old Clara Kavanagh finds herself in after going on a family holiday to the Kavanagh’s Irish ancestral home. Celtic worlds, lost love and family tragedy are smashed together in this epic coming of age story. Restoring destiny becomes Clara’s quest but trusting fate is dangerous. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16234908269361224917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-22125648116462748422012-10-12T08:20:22.060-04:002012-10-12T08:20:22.060-04:00Hi there, love the Irish/afterlife components (the...Hi there, love the Irish/afterlife components (there are Welsh/afterlife components in my story). The advice I would offer would be to cut down on the use of the word destiny-3 times is a lot in a 70 word pitch. Also how does she cross into the afterlife - this seems like something that could only be done through dying, but since you mention death as a possibility later that clearly isn't. I also found the first sentence a bit confusing. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10128802549435853330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-59634238075367105102012-10-02T19:37:22.161-04:002012-10-02T19:37:22.161-04:00I love that you are working with the elements of I...I love that you are working with the elements of Irish culture and the afterlife... Its such a nice combination of fresh elements.<br /><br />I agree with much of what has been said above. It sounds like a great premise and you did well focusing on the main character. I think with just a bit more details about and play woth organization will help.<br /><br />Really good work and best of luck :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10656368340547599511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-45870793465699306452012-10-02T17:47:18.392-04:002012-10-02T17:47:18.392-04:00I actually thought this was really good. It defini...I actually thought this was really good. It definitely caught me eye, of the ones I've read so far. You got some really great comments above. And I don't have anything different to add. Just wanted to let you know this sounds like a great story. Good luck!Laurie Litwinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-73730743239434357602012-10-01T16:05:44.280-04:002012-10-01T16:05:44.280-04:00I think the idea behind your story is awesome!! Th...I think the idea behind your story is awesome!! There are a couple of things that confused me, though. <br /><br />1.) how was destiny changed at the beginning of the pitch?<br /><br />2.) Whose Destiny is she restoring and why would it result in her death?<br /><br />Clarify these two and I think it will clear up some confusion. <br />So people can live in the afterlife before they die? Such an interesting idea that makes a awesome premise for a story!!<br />Best wishes!Ink in the Bookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03117718811407968345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-68320264522928115422012-10-01T12:28:41.975-04:002012-10-01T12:28:41.975-04:00So, I'm just randomly selecting pitches to com...So, I'm just randomly selecting pitches to comment on, and I hope that you don't mind me picking yours.<br />First up the basic premise is really interesting. A couple of things caught my attention, the fact that she's Irish and the idea that this is set in the afterlife, I enjoy seeing different takes on it.<br />The issue for me was the wording. The first sentence feels overly long and a little confusing. For example, I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say destiny is changed - do you mean their destiny was changed by being killed? Or something different? It's so ambiguous that I find myself confused rather than intrigued.<br />The basic premise is brilliant, I just think that it could use tightening up, a bit of clarifying. But this is all just one persons opinions, and after all, I'm taking part in this workshop because I'm definitely no expert at writing pitches!<br />Good luck with this.N.S.Dorringtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10168951572832683022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-7989306964580062682012-10-01T02:14:35.465-04:002012-10-01T02:14:35.465-04:00Chrissi,
You're more than welcome. I totally a...Chrissi,<br />You're more than welcome. I totally agree that workshops are such a great way to really hone writing skills and sharpen our writing. Sometimes just having a fresh perspective or objective view can help so much. <br /><br />I really want you to know that even though it may seem like I listed all these different suggestions...it doesn't at ALL mean that your pitch was bad. It wasn't. I think your premise was great! And if anything..that's especially why I was trying to really offer views on tightening it to be as tight and specific as possible so that any agent reading it would know just enough of what your novel was about, clearly, to be enticed to ask for more. It's all about that initial hook. When we only have such limited words to snag someone's interest...it can be so difficult. I've often said that I swear writing an entire ms is easier than a pitch or query! =)Jodie Andrefskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02991534398238542843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5238126743463383901.post-7255030939696058612012-10-01T01:29:46.011-04:002012-10-01T01:29:46.011-04:00Jodie, Thank you so much. This workshop process i...Jodie, Thank you so much. This workshop process is a really fabulous idea and I appreciate your generosity in hosting and commenting on my pitch. ChrissiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com