Note: I have removed any greeting/contact information, as Pitch Wars will not allow a salutation this year.
I’m
seeking representation for my 39,000 word upper middle grade contemporary novel
entitled ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS.
12-year-old Dom’s summer’s awesome.
He’s beaten up his rival Taylor, kissed the new girl in town, and finally got
his horse. But while squirrel hunting, Dom sees a local outcast stab and kill a
deputy and he’s pretty darn sure it’s related to the marijuana that’s all over
town.
Unsure of whether the
murderer saw him run away, Dom pretends he didn’t see anything. That is, until
Taylor’s pocketknife and Dom’s boot prints, identical to Taylor’s, are found at
the crime scene, and Taylor’s arrested. Dom must decide whether to swallow his
guilt and let an annoying, if innocent, jerk go to juvie, or take the stand and
risk his own life and freedom by revealing what he knows.
I don’t
claim to be Mark Twain, but this novel is a modern retelling of THE ADVENTURES
OF TOM SAWYER. It might also appeal to fans
of Mika Ashley-Hollinger’s PRECIOUS BONES.
Please keep in mind, these are JUST suggestions! You certainly know your story better than me. =) I really liked the premise, and think with just a little tweaking you could have a great query. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteI’m seeking representation for my 39,000 word upper middle grade contemporary novel entitled ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS. (Consider moving this to the last paragraph, and getting rid of “I’m seeking representation,” –they know you are.)
12-year-old Dom’s summer’s awesome. (Spell out twelve-year-old, and consider a punchier first line, grab their attention right away.)
He’s beaten up his rival Taylor, kissed the new girl in town, and finally got his horse. But while squirrel hunting (This probably isn’t critical to include, maybe just “But when…” Give yourself room for more engaging details.) Dom sees a local outcast stab and kill a deputy and he’s pretty darn sure it’s related to the marijuana that’s all over town.
Unsure of whether the murderer saw him run away, Dom pretends he didn’t see anything. That is, until Taylor’s pocketknife and Dom’s boot prints, identical to Taylor’s, are found at the crime scene, and Taylor’s arrested.(This line is confusing. How did Taylor’s pocketknife get there? Consider, “Until Taylor’s pocket knife is found….” And just leave out the footprints thing. Side note, why weren’t the killer’s prints found?)
Dom must decide whether to swallow his guilt and let an annoying, if innocent, jerk go to juvie, or take the stand and risk his own life and freedom by revealing what he knows.( I’m not sure how he would be risking his life, maybe clarify.)
I don’t claim to be Mark Twain, but this novel (remove this and begin with title).
ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS is a modern retelling of THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER, and may appeal to fans of Mika Ashley-Hollinger’s PRECIOUS BONES. (note suggested changes)