8.12.2014

Query #1 - Smooth

**Note- I have omitted any greetings and contact info, as salutations will not be able to be added this year in Pitch Wars entries.

SMOOTH
YA Sci-fi
65K words


31 is convinced whoever mixed its test tube missed a step, or three. Living in The Society and becoming a Societian is all 31 has ever longed for. However, staying in paradise comes at a price. Turning fifteen means that 31 and the rest of its brood must ingest serum to unnaturally transform them into the gender The Society has chosen. While adapting to their changing bodies, the brood undergoes the Selection, rigorous testing to control the population and ensure only the fittest become Societians. Twenty are chosen; the remaining eleven are exiled, sent to drift across the ocean to their deaths.

But 31 isn’t like everyone else in its brood. It harbors the unique—and forbidden—abilities to create and heal. If they don’t get it exiled and killed, the forbidden love of another broodmate will.

When 31 fails to heal its closest friend, it refuses to take the gender serum, becoming more of an outcast than ever.  31 has two days to choose whether to conform and become the Societian its always dreamed of being or stay true to itself, risking true love and life itself.

SMOOTH is a 65,000 word YA science fiction novel. I am a member of SCBWI and have attended over two-dozen writing conferences, workshops, and classes. I will be attending Writing the Breakout Novel Intensive and David Farland’s Novel Rewriting workshop in September.

Thank you for your consideration.

1 comment :

  1. This seems a fresh idea but I had a number of questions as I read. While I get that the mc has a number instead of a name, I wondered if there's some way to re-order the first sentence of the query so the non-spelled out number doesn't look like an error? I think it's important that the reader understand the number is in lieu of a name immediately. Perhaps 'Number 31 is convinced...'? 31's conviction someone missed a step or more in mixing its test tube isn't linked to anything. Does 31 think this because of its forbidden abilities? I think this needs to be clarified. In paragraph 2, for clarity suggest changing 'If they' to 'If those talents/abilities/things (or other term) don't get it exiled...' I also wasn't clear -- and maybe I'm not supposed to be -- if by 'When 31 fails' you mean 31 refuses/declines to save its friend or if 31 was unable to do so. If it was the latter, did 31 put itself at risk by attempting to heal its friend? I also wasn't sure if 31's friend was ill or if it was injured. At the end, I wanted a bit more to make the connection between nonconforming and risking true love and would've liked that spelled out a bit. As I said at the outset, this looks like an interesting story, I just think the query needs a bit of fleshing out. Best wishes.

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