Note- I have omitted any salutations and contact information, as Pitchwars will not allow a greeting this year.
MS Title: PUNISHMENT SUMMER
Genre: YA Action/Adventure
Word Count: 66,000
Sixteen-year-old Nicki Steele’s summer is in ruins. Grounded and caught
sneaking into her room after a party, she’s sent to her grandfather’s
cabin in the Mendocino Forest. Though her own house doesn’t feel much
like home, the timing for her exile sucks. Being stuck in the woods for
ten weeks will give her sort-of best friend a clear shot at Nicki’s
sometime-boyfriend. As if that isn’t bad enough, Grandpa’s cabin is
decorated with dead animal heads and there’s no electricity or cell
phone service.
The last time Nicki saw Grandpa was when she was four years old and he
feels like a stranger to her. She hides the wrist-to-elbow burn mark
from the house fire that killed her sister and keeps quiet about the
mother who ran out on her years before. Though Nicki hasn’t heard from
Grandpa in years, she’s surprised to discover how much he knows about
her life. But, soon after arriving, she begins to suspect Grandpa is
lying – about his name and why he lives in the woods.
In spite of Nicki’s unhappiness about her ‘sentence’, the summer brings
an unexpected bright spot: Grandpa’s German shepherd, Queenie. The
prospect of romance with a neighbor boy also gives Nicki hope for some
fun as her days are filled with learning how to fish, hunt and tend the
vegetables. An expert at fitting in, Nicki hopes good reports about her
behavior will convince her dad to bring her home early. But vying for a
good report loses importance when Grandpa takes off, leaving Nicki to
deal with an injured girl and two hostile deputies. From secret pot
farms to human trafficking, Nicki soon learns nothing in ‘The Mendo’ is
as it seems. When the lives of new friends are threatened, Nicki must
decide how far she’s willing to go to protect those she cares about.
Complete at 66,000 words, PUNISHMENT SUMMER follows Nicki as she
outgrows her past and learns there are some choices she can’t undo. Told
in the first person, I think this contemporary young adult story about
secrets and loss will appeal to fans of Jay Asher. In addition to
writing fiction, I was a corporate writer for many years, though my
writing was not published under my byline. I would be happy to send the
manuscript or its opening chapters to you.
I love the premise of this book, I think the idea is fantastic and I'm sure the book reads great. I'm not pubbed so take this with a grain of salt, but this feels more like a synopsis. Like you are trying to tell the whole story in this little blurb. I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I keep hearing the word "concise" in my head as I rework my own query. You worked super hard on your book, tons of blood, sweat, and tears, so they should take a few minutes and read your work, right? Unfortunately agents and publishers are inundated and simply don't have the time or the energy. My advice would be to pare it down. Good luck to you!
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